things that i ♡:

1. peter pan collars


2. lace dresses & skirts/tutus


3. beanie/glasses combo


4. ballet flats


They never get old for me... when I first arrived in Korea, my aunt and cousin were amazed at how many ballet flats I had. Sadly, I ended up leaving pairs behind... I need to invest in some good black ones.

5. colored tights & thigh-highs

some days

don't you just wake up and feel good about yourself and the world?

And others, you just wake up filled with nausea, self-loathing, and just overall "ickiness"?<-(really can't think of a better word to encapsulate this feeling). These past few days, I've been feeling the latter. I think it partially has to do with bad dreams. I hate not remembering my bad dreams because I feel so disoriented and vulnerable. Another part, I believe, is the effects of living at home. I know I've been living at home for nearly 8 months now, but I still feel like I'm transitioning. It's hard when you're used to living with friends and being fairly independent for 5.5 years and then coming home to a household packed with family members that like to ask you where you've been, who you were with, what you ate, etc. etc. etc.

Buuuut I should be grateful that I have a family that cares about my whereabouts and are genuinely concerned for my well-being. And I just need to stop complaining... or I'll turn into this guy:

(well, 'cept the $$$ part).

on the road...

I think the most depressing job ever would be to clean up after roadkill.

Some might say, "But what about cleaning up after dead people?"

But I stand firmly in my stance.

The reason why is that as morbid and gruesome as it may be to see people's brains blown out or a person's limp, lifeless body, at least there is some story behind it- a sad or twisted story about the death whether it be natural, intentional, or even self-induced.

But when you see the a stiff dog on the side of the freeway or a confetti of possum guts on the road, you know there is no explanation for anything. They just aimlessly wandered on the street and had an unfortunate accident. It is what it is.

I don't know if it's just me or has there been an abnormal increase of roadkill on the streets these days? Or maybe just the people haven't been doing a good job cleaning it up (I don't blame them) and I'm just seeing the same tattered bits and pieces day after day. Or maybe I'm wrong... that there is an intent behind the action. Maybe there is a higher rate of depression among animals these days. Who knows...

latest crush

mr. noah puckerman



who said I was over bad boys?

Second favorite moment= when Sue walked in with the zoot suit... hahaha.

if i were a boy...

I remember when I first heard that song by Beyonce... Miss Sasha Fierce got me thinkin' how differently my life would be like if I were really a boy. I could pass gas freely, and it would be considered hilarious. I would never have to pluck or shave anything ever again... (okay so I would shave my face, but still~). Going #1 would be a lot simpler/easier.

But the other night (I'd say maybe 4 nights ago), I had a dream that I was really turning into a boy. It was the scariest nightmare I've had in years. First of all, it felt so freaking real. In many of my dreams when ridiculous things happen, I am usually aware that it is a dream. I just sit back and laugh it off, knowing that I'll wake up in a few and it'll all be over.

But this one was different. I'm not going to get into details, but my body slowly started transforming into a guy's. Little by little. First, it was small things... like my voice was a pitch deeper or my eyebrows were getting thicker. Then, bigger things started to change. My shoulders started getting broader, my boobs deflating. Okay I'm going to stop now.

I remember feeling genuinely panicked in my dream. I even tried to figure out what was wrong with myself. I figured maybe something that I was eating had testosterone in it? And I narrowed it down to soy milk (I'm a soy milk junkie), and I was so angry with myself for letting it get so bad.

One of the first worries in my mind was "how the hell am I going to get married now?" I remember I was so angry at my situation, but then I tried to start accepting my current state and the fact that I was probably going to be a bachelor (?) for the rest of my life. Or find a gay man to fall in love with.

When I woke up, I immediately went to the restroom and checked myself out in the mirror. Then, when I realized everything was in place, I thanked God over and over again. What did I think Him for? For letting me be 100% female with no complications. Sounds a little silly, but I realized even things like that- I shouldn't take for granted.

And I laid off soy milk for two whole days afterwards. But now I'm kind of over it and started drinking again.

rose-colored lenses.

They say we take photos to "capture the moment," but with digital photography & crazy photoshopping skills, pictures these days seem very far from reality.

I appreciate the art of photography... well at least to the extent of saving random images by Annie Leibovitz and Tim Walker for no apparent reason (or I guess that reason being that they're beautiful, fanciful, or intriguing).

But I guess I usually see a clear distinction between photography as an art form and photography as tokens of memory (like photos that you would put in your photo album to show your grandchildren how good you used to look back in the day). I mean it's one thing where you take out the red-eye or touch up the image by brightening, but it's another thing to see picture of places or people that are beyond the point of recognition.

For instance, I see pictures of weddings and think "wow that's a really pretty wedding!" Then I realize that I was there. But in my memory, it looked totally different (or to put it bluntly- not pretty).

I almost bought a Diana camera last year, but then I realized:
1. I don't really enjoy taking pictures
2. I'd feel like I was living a lie (Diana pictures always come out looking too cool, too vintage-y... my life isn't that cool... or vintage for that matter).

And I can't help but to feel a bit gypped when I amazing pictures of people and see their not-better-half in person (though some are just blessed with being photogenic). Koreans (the ones back in the mainland) seem to be especially skilled at "beautifying" themselves in pictures. They are the 포샾 kings & queens. I remember my cousins wanted to set my brother up with this Korean girl, and they showed us a picture. I thought she looked pretty cute, but my cousins secretly whispered to me "trust us... she doesn't look like that." That's when I realized she had brightened up the picture to the point where she was noseless. No wonder she looked cute... she looked like a noseless, anime character.

I'm not gonna lie. There are (numerous) times where I've retaken a picture. Isn't that what girls do?
*SNAP*
feet scurrying together to see how they came out.
"Omg so ugly!" "Look at my face!" "I look so fat!" "Let's take another one!"

I guess that is the blessing/curse of digicams: keep the pretty, discard the ugly. What have we turned into??? It's almost like book censorship (sorry, I'm doing a paper on this, and I had to somehow tie it all together).

Okay... should go back to paper now.

arriverderci~

um... best thing ever?

how come i never knew that "the little prince" was turned into a movie?

(apparently mr. jazz hands is supposed to play the part of the snake... whatta creepster!)

p.b. & j.

So I have been really out of the loop with my one of my all-time favorite (along with everyone else in the world's) show "the office." Season 2 was my favorite season (so much tension!), Season 3 was pretty good, and then I just stopped watching altogether after Season 4. But then last week, I heard that I missed the Beesly-Halpert union, and I was really genuinely sad... like I missed something dearly monumental in my life.

So I googled "pam & jim wedding" and came upon this site:

http://www.halpertbeesly.com/

Is it real? As in did NBC create it or some random, hardcore "Jam" shipper?

haha some of the guestbook comments:

Congratulations. What color dress are you going to wear down the aisle?
-Angela Martin

Pam, you are like a daughter to me, and Jim is like a son. I'm so proud that my son and daughter are to be wed! Tis a thing of beauty! Glory be!!!
-Michael Scott

Anyway, I should really hate this show more than anything... Because of relationships like theirs, I will never, ever be content (romantically).

loves it~ haha

Don't they look just darling?

Is it bad...

that i'm already thinking about Christmas?

Christmas movies I need to re-watch:
1. Elf
2. Home Alone
3. Love Actually
4. A Charlie Brown Christmas
5. Nightmare Before Christmas
6. Little Women
7. Edward Scissorhands (not really a Christmas film, but always puts me in the Christmas mood)
8. How the Grinch Stole Christmas
9. Serendipity (though I didn't really like it... I just can't think of another NY, Christmas-y rom-com).
10. It's a Wonderful Life

What else is there?

Can't wait to get into hibernation mode... snuggling in bed, reading, drinking lots and lots of eggnog milkshakes, and listening to "Christmas wrapping" on repeat.

fobby but oh-so-prection ^_~

halloween

I love halloween. Its one of my favoritest holidays.

I remember people at my old church were strongly against celebrating Halloween. When the holiday was approaching, they would give out pamphlets about how it was "the day of the Devil." But then again, they were just killjoys in general. They said Aladdin was satanic too... and it was one of my favoritest Disney movies! =(

Can't we just get past all that hullabaloo and see that its all for fun?

I just lurve costumes... and overdosing on candy.

People say I look like I'm wearing costumes on a daily basis. Sailor, Mickey Mouse, Stewardess, Japanese Porn Star.

I guess there's a flamboyant side to me.

When I have a baby I am SO going to dress him up as a little gnome.

hmpph... this one's a little too old for it to be cute. he looks kind of like rumpelstiltskin.

Okay so a tad bit creepy, but that's not stoppin' me! I wonder if an asian baby can pull of the look, though?

starstruck.

Ah~ the weather is beautiful today.

The past few days, I've been wanting to burst into my own rendition of "Good Morning" (Singin' in the Rain) every time I wake up (though I didn't "stay up late"). The bright shining sun, the cool crisp fall air makes me want to breathe in deeply and smile to myself.

Today I will not let the little things bother me.

I'll sink into my carseat and drown myself in Badly Drawn Boy tunes in the usually unbearable LA traffic.

I'll whistle throughout the office as I perform my mundane chores (if only I knew how to whistle).

I wont even let the crazy Korean moms get to me.

I'm in a dandy mood, because I'm going to see Nick Hornby today~ Funny thing is the only book I read by him in its entirety is "High Fidelity." I started "How to be Good" and "About a Boy" and never made it all the way. Wait- I take that back... I read "The Polysyllabic Spree" but that doesn't really count since its a meta-book (book about reading books). Oh and "Songbook" too, though I wouldn't really count that either.

And I guess I'll have to have him sign my copy of "A Long Way Down" though I only got through the first few chapters (the characters annoyed me), since somebody out there didn't return my "High Fidelity" after I graciously let them borrow it. But I guess that's the silent agreement- if you let someone borrow a book or DVD, you shouldn't expect it back.

I think my only friend that understands this obsession with celeb-writers is my friend Jane (though she's MUCH more fanatical than I am). She's so bold... I remember when we saw Dave Eggers (we're suckers for the McSweeney's entourage), she asked him for a hug and a picture, and I just stood there and shook his hand dumbfoundedly. I can't help but to freeze up when I come in the presence of such greatness- the noggin o' gold underneath that balding head/moppy brown hair, the calloused magic fingertips. I also met my favorite poet Billy Collins at the Skirball last year... I was the first or second person in line for the signing and I totally froze like an idiot and ended up making some lame, generic comment. I'm no good when it comes to playing it cool.

mousy brown hair

eek~~ can't wait to watch it this weekend!

As much as they annoy the heck out of me, I can't help but to feel a kinship towards these nerdy, wholesome, slightly naive girl-next-door types

Joey from Dawson's Creek

(I couldn't stand that sideways smile of hers!)

Rory from Gilmore Girls

an old schoolmate told me she reminded her of me... oh well at least she's not as annoying as her mom.

Maryanne from the Baby-sitters Club


Jo March from Little Women

Jo's kind of a stretch... I always wanted to be her, but I'm probably more of a mix of Beth & Meg. Besides the whole writing and bookworm thing, I'm not nearly as cool and adventurous as her.

happy chuseok

Some people just like talking for the sake of talking or because they like to hear the sound of their own voice.

My theory is that:
1. they are extremely needy for attention.
2. they are uncomfortable with silence.
3. they need some type of validation.

I find people like this pretty annoying (instead of talking, I write/blog... which I guess doesn't make me any better).

Anyway, the other day, I was taking a stroll at our local park. I love going to the park in the mornings- the cool weather, the dog-walking, this sense of "community". I noticed that I go often enough to identify "the regulars." The old German couple, the bearded Japanese man with the lab, the younger gentleman who jogs and always asks what lap I'm on (so competitive~). So the other day, the old German grandpa starts walking next to me and starts chatting me up. He tells me about his old home in Germany, the war, his son, his exercise regiment, etc. I barely shared anything about myself as I just politely nodded and asked the obligatory question here and there. I think I have this intuitive "journalist" mindset where I've grown accustomed to these one-sided convos and knowing which probing questions will allow the "interviewee" to disclose more information. Usually I can feign interest in the other person through good eye contact and frequent "mm-hmm"ing, but this German guy was actually pretty interesting. Then, I came to realize that I enjoy the company of old people and hearing their stories (much more than people in my own age range), possibly just because they lived fuller (usu. hard-knock) lives, thus having cooler stories.

I should probably listen to my grandma more; She's a needy, sometimes demanding lady, but I don't blame her (plus she's quite delightful and lovable most of the time). Not only my grandma- but all of our grandparents- need some good lovin'. I don't mean to preach, but our generation of spoiled brats need to realize how good we have it compared to our forefathers. I was watching the Korean news yesterday, and I caught the segment of the Korean families that were separated during the Korean War. For Chuseok (a Korean traditional holiday), these families will finally be reunited for a day; there were clips of families embracing each other and just bawling on the floor together. They weren't really saying anything, but just wailing each other names over and over again... "Jinwoo-yah!!!" "Mi-sook-ahh!" Ironically, I guess there isn't much to say after being separated for decades... All you can do is hug and cry. According to my mom, not all the families were so fortunate, and these reunited families were picked through an exclusive lottery system. One South Korean man who wasn't chosen, was so disappointed that he committed suicide. This made me die a little inside.

happy happy friday!

maybe my dream was derived from the "Miserable American" syndrome.


Poll: Happy, Healthy Obamas Out Of Touch With Miserable Americans

kawaii, neh?! ^_^


i find myself swaying with the pup.