From all the endless, analytical conversations about relationships, I've always been told that a girl can rarely "tree-chop"* a guy. It just doesn't work- a girl can never win a guy over (if he isn't already attracted) with her amazing acts of kindless or great sense of humor or even the amount of money she makes. Older women, with years of relationship experience, have always told me that the guy should always love the girl more in order for the relationship to be stable. And I've always followed this credo, never playing the role of chasee; I often felt that role seemed a bit too brazen & domineering for timid, ol' me. And there's a little thing called self-preservation that stood in the way.
Last night I watched Shakespeare's All's Well That End's Well at Central Park (which was a great production btw)... but for those who aren't familiar with the play, the main protagonist Helena, a common physician's daughter, pines and harps over young Bertram, the cocky and privileged Count... Though he has no affections for her (besides that of a dear childhood friend), she strategically forces him into wedlock through a deal with the king. Bertram is outraged by this engagement and does everything in his power to escape his "betrothed" which leads him to fight in the Austria-France war despite his young age. However in the end, through all of Helena's planning and scheming, Bertram ends up loving(?) her in return as she fakes her own death and becomes pregnant with his baby. I couldn't help myself from feeling pity and shame for Helena throughout the play, wondering is it really worth all the humiliation and effort... just for a guy? Hey, but in the end- she ended up with Bertram, and she was happy.
And then there's my most favorite show of all time , Felicity, whose premise is that the main character Felicity (obviously), abandons her parents' dreams of attending Stanford medical school and moves across country to NYU to follow her high school crush, Ben. As the story moves along, she ends up confessing her whole-hearted love to him... And though he initially rejects her and ends up dating other girls (one of them being her good friend), he ends up reciprocating her love by the season finale.
Are these storylines delusional... can things like this happen in real life? Can the girl really chop the guy? And even if they do, will the women feel happy after all they had to go through (the heartache, the blow to the pride, etc.) or will they just feel embittered throughout the whole relationship, questioning why the guy didn't like them straight from the get-go? But maybe it all doesn't matter in the end... maybe their love is soo pure and certain that they don't care what they had to give up in order to gain that love in return. For them, the end truly justifies the means.
In the past, I would have found these women a bit sad and desperate. But now I find them rather empowering and courageous... women who take fate into their own hands rather than sitting around like lame ducks waiting for the man of their dreams to approach them. It's refreshing, to say the least.
*tree-chopping: to keep pursuing someone (and by doing all things necessary) until that said person keels over and surrenders.
6.21.2011
6.14.2011
the eye of the beholder
I've always been (somewhat) interested in fashion, though my limited knowledge of it comes from following fashion blogs and speed-browsing through Vogue while at the grocery checkout line. I wouldn't necessarily call myself tres chic (i'm a total cheapo and frequent shopper of forever 21 & H&M). But the world of fashion intrigues me, and that was why I initially wanted to watch "Bill Cunningham New York", a documentary about the New York Times fashion photographer.
What I didn't realize was that I'd be so touched by the story of this happy, little old man and his singular love & passion for his craft. And how it all came so naturally to him- the photography, the city, the clothes, the people... it wasn't work, it was his pleasure. Surrounded by the froufrou grandeur of the New York celebrities and socialites he photographs, he lives contently with his meager wardrobe and minimalist lifestyle- averse to any forms of praise or monetary rewards. Most of the documentary follows Bills everyday life and displays his lovable nature as he comes in contact to a wide spectrum of people from ordinary folks on the streets to journalists/art directors at the Times to the "who's who of New York" at fancy galas to the models at the Paris Fashion Week.
However, what really came out of left field for me was this extremely poignant moment when the documentarist (?) set Bill down and started asking about his personal life, specifically about his romantic relationships (or lack thereof) and his religion. As someone who grew up in a Catholic home and still attends church every Sunday (despite his hectic schedule), Bill paused for an uncomfortable length of time when asked about this subject. He slightly let out what sounded like a sob, and tried to explain casually that he had always gone to church since he was a child (though his eyes would always be looking at women's hats) and religion has been a good guide to life. But then he went on further saying that as one matures, it becomes "something else" (mind you, this is loosely quoted, because I can't remember his exact words). These two questions regarding his romantic life and his religious life seemed to have hit a nerve. The question about his romantic life (or rather the implicit question of whether he was gay) was never explicitly answered, but the roundabout way in which it was, suggested that perhaps his religious upbringing came in conflict with his personal desires (though this may be just me assuming too much). Nevertheless, my heart went out to this man who lived a fulfilling, yet solitary life.
Now my eyes will be peeled for a wobbly, old man in a blue jacket biking his way through the streets of New York. And if I ever see him zip past me, I'll run after him and give a big fat hug to this beautiful human being.
What I didn't realize was that I'd be so touched by the story of this happy, little old man and his singular love & passion for his craft. And how it all came so naturally to him- the photography, the city, the clothes, the people... it wasn't work, it was his pleasure. Surrounded by the froufrou grandeur of the New York celebrities and socialites he photographs, he lives contently with his meager wardrobe and minimalist lifestyle- averse to any forms of praise or monetary rewards. Most of the documentary follows Bills everyday life and displays his lovable nature as he comes in contact to a wide spectrum of people from ordinary folks on the streets to journalists/art directors at the Times to the "who's who of New York" at fancy galas to the models at the Paris Fashion Week.
However, what really came out of left field for me was this extremely poignant moment when the documentarist (?) set Bill down and started asking about his personal life, specifically about his romantic relationships (or lack thereof) and his religion. As someone who grew up in a Catholic home and still attends church every Sunday (despite his hectic schedule), Bill paused for an uncomfortable length of time when asked about this subject. He slightly let out what sounded like a sob, and tried to explain casually that he had always gone to church since he was a child (though his eyes would always be looking at women's hats) and religion has been a good guide to life. But then he went on further saying that as one matures, it becomes "something else" (mind you, this is loosely quoted, because I can't remember his exact words). These two questions regarding his romantic life and his religious life seemed to have hit a nerve. The question about his romantic life (or rather the implicit question of whether he was gay) was never explicitly answered, but the roundabout way in which it was, suggested that perhaps his religious upbringing came in conflict with his personal desires (though this may be just me assuming too much). Nevertheless, my heart went out to this man who lived a fulfilling, yet solitary life.
Now my eyes will be peeled for a wobbly, old man in a blue jacket biking his way through the streets of New York. And if I ever see him zip past me, I'll run after him and give a big fat hug to this beautiful human being.
6.09.2011
a bone to pick
Ever since school went out for summer, my television/movie consumption has gone up drastically. I remember strictly telling myself that I was going to be productive this summer, yet all I've been doing is vegging out and letting my deep-fried brain relax a bit. Starting from next week, I will start implementing my true summer goals.
One thing that I've actually found to be prevalent in all the stuff I've been watching lately is the extremely negative portrayal of Christians. All of these shows and movies seem to be sending a very clear message: it is very lame and uncool to be Christian. At first, I'd be laughing right along, but then I step back and realize just how unfair and distorted these depictions really are (albeit most of it is overdone on purpose for purely comedic purposes and the viewers are aware of that). Would these shows/movies make such blatant mockery of other religions? Probably not. And as a Communications major, I'd be an idiot not to think that what the media sells us, the audience believes.
1. "Shirley" from Community
The sweet, but overly simplistic black mother. She's actually not as bad as the other characters listed below, but she subconsciously can come off a little condescending to people of other beliefs and religions. She also seems a bit outdated and is definitely not as "cool & trendy" as her fellow atheist (Britta) and agnostic (Jeff) classmates.
2. "Ann" from Arrested Development
Ann a.k.a "Her???" The plain-jane pastor's kid and girlfriend of George Michael who is known for her straight-laced, overly pious ways. Of course, the more devout you are on the outside, the more screwed up you truly are in the inside (for instance, look at that episode with her parents and also who she ends up with at the end- not to give away any spoilers but it was quite the shocker).
3. "Angela" from the Office
The cold, uptight accountant who just seems angry at the world and uber-judgmental towards her co-workers. Of course, she's hypocritical too, since she engages in her own office love affairs (very illicit ones at that). A perfectionist that takes things a bit too seriously (like the Party Planning Committee), and basically, a modern-day pharisee.
4. "Marianne" from Easy A
I would've thoroughly enjoyed this movie if it wasn't for the mockery of Christians through Amanda Bynes' character. She plays Marianne, the self-righteous, snooty President of the "Cross Your Heart" Club that tries to "save" the main protagonist, Olive, from the fiery gates of hell.
All these characters come off as overzealous, bitter, prejudiced, and close-minded (and why are they all female?)- definitely traits that I (along with any other Christian) would not want to identify with. And even in the news, only crazy kooks like Harold Camping or (on a somewhat milder level?) Glenn Beck make the headlines... not the John Piper's, Tim Keller's, or Ravi Zacharias'. Intelligent Christians are not "known" to non-Christians, and this is why we are viewed the way we are. All throughout my life, and especially after coming to New York, I've come to know really smart, profound Christians, and it's quite a shame that we get such a bad rap because of how the mass media portrays us as bible-thumping, holier-than-thou caricatures.
Tim Keller in "The Reason for God" mentions how people often mistakenly associate those obnoxiously preachy and sometimes hateful "Jesus freaks" as extreme Christians. But what about their qualities (and I'm referring to all the aforementioned characters above, with maybe the exception of Shirley) make them Christian? Just because they believe in God and go to church? Christ defines Christianity, and J.C. was the most loving, kind, humble, and gentle person that ever lived. So how do these stereotypes define who we are?
I think that's why figures like Bono and Tim Tebow offer us so much hope. Not that we should put them on a pedestal because they're high-profile stars, but they are Christian role models (actually I'm not 100% sure if Bono is Christian... personally, Sufjan Stevens is my favorite Christian - but mainstream - musician of choice) in the media spotlight that people can look up to and see that being Christian can be noble, honorable, and yes, sometimes cool. It's just a shame that they are so few and far between.
One thing that I've actually found to be prevalent in all the stuff I've been watching lately is the extremely negative portrayal of Christians. All of these shows and movies seem to be sending a very clear message: it is very lame and uncool to be Christian. At first, I'd be laughing right along, but then I step back and realize just how unfair and distorted these depictions really are (albeit most of it is overdone on purpose for purely comedic purposes and the viewers are aware of that). Would these shows/movies make such blatant mockery of other religions? Probably not. And as a Communications major, I'd be an idiot not to think that what the media sells us, the audience believes.
1. "Shirley" from Community
The sweet, but overly simplistic black mother. She's actually not as bad as the other characters listed below, but she subconsciously can come off a little condescending to people of other beliefs and religions. She also seems a bit outdated and is definitely not as "cool & trendy" as her fellow atheist (Britta) and agnostic (Jeff) classmates.2. "Ann" from Arrested Development
Ann a.k.a "Her???" The plain-jane pastor's kid and girlfriend of George Michael who is known for her straight-laced, overly pious ways. Of course, the more devout you are on the outside, the more screwed up you truly are in the inside (for instance, look at that episode with her parents and also who she ends up with at the end- not to give away any spoilers but it was quite the shocker).3. "Angela" from the Office
The cold, uptight accountant who just seems angry at the world and uber-judgmental towards her co-workers. Of course, she's hypocritical too, since she engages in her own office love affairs (very illicit ones at that). A perfectionist that takes things a bit too seriously (like the Party Planning Committee), and basically, a modern-day pharisee.4. "Marianne" from Easy A
I would've thoroughly enjoyed this movie if it wasn't for the mockery of Christians through Amanda Bynes' character. She plays Marianne, the self-righteous, snooty President of the "Cross Your Heart" Club that tries to "save" the main protagonist, Olive, from the fiery gates of hell.All these characters come off as overzealous, bitter, prejudiced, and close-minded (and why are they all female?)- definitely traits that I (along with any other Christian) would not want to identify with. And even in the news, only crazy kooks like Harold Camping or (on a somewhat milder level?) Glenn Beck make the headlines... not the John Piper's, Tim Keller's, or Ravi Zacharias'. Intelligent Christians are not "known" to non-Christians, and this is why we are viewed the way we are. All throughout my life, and especially after coming to New York, I've come to know really smart, profound Christians, and it's quite a shame that we get such a bad rap because of how the mass media portrays us as bible-thumping, holier-than-thou caricatures.
Tim Keller in "The Reason for God" mentions how people often mistakenly associate those obnoxiously preachy and sometimes hateful "Jesus freaks" as extreme Christians. But what about their qualities (and I'm referring to all the aforementioned characters above, with maybe the exception of Shirley) make them Christian? Just because they believe in God and go to church? Christ defines Christianity, and J.C. was the most loving, kind, humble, and gentle person that ever lived. So how do these stereotypes define who we are?
I think that's why figures like Bono and Tim Tebow offer us so much hope. Not that we should put them on a pedestal because they're high-profile stars, but they are Christian role models (actually I'm not 100% sure if Bono is Christian... personally, Sufjan Stevens is my favorite Christian - but mainstream - musician of choice) in the media spotlight that people can look up to and see that being Christian can be noble, honorable, and yes, sometimes cool. It's just a shame that they are so few and far between.
6.06.2011
skeletors in the closet
I remember a long, long time ago (was it three years ago?), my friends and I were going around trying think of the ultimate adjective that encapsulated each person's identity.
One of my friends was "respectable," another was a "introspective", another was "whimsical." When it came to my turn, my friend said I was "innocent." I didn't know what to make of this.
Then, my friend clarified, "Not because you haven't had your share of doing 'bad' things, because who knows what kind of sins you've committed... but you just carry the essence of innocence."
What is this 'essence of innocence'? And do I still possess it?
Another friend equated this air of innocence with "lightheartedness." A type of carefree-ness where I don't let things get to me as much. Then, we started categorizing people (because bucketing people is our favorite past-time) as heavy or light. In one of my favorite books, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" (I swear I should be this book's personal publicist), Kundera compares polarities such as fineness vs. coarseness, cold vs. warmth, being vs. nonbeing, and points out how in each- there is always a clear positive and negative. But such is not the case with lightness & heaviness:
"The absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant." With lightness, there comes a sense of freedom which might ultimately result into insignificance; with heaviness, there is a weight of burden/responsibility, but then again- "the heaviest of burdens is simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment". So which is better?
I think a part of my "light-ness" comes from being really skilled at forgetting unpleasant things and not being weighed down by my past. Our Pastor talked about the necessity of inner healing this past Sunday and that when we are untreated from our emotional pain, these hurts will surface later on in our lives in strange, unexpected ways (e.g. King David from the Bible*). Pastor D. went all psychoanalytical on the bible story in 1 Samuel 16, explaining how David wasn't loved/highly regarded by his father Jesse, which could have possibly led to his excessive need for women and his dysfunctional relationship with his sons. Of course, our Pastor said all this with a disclaimer that this conclusion might a bit presumptuous on his part, but these are his thoughts (as well as the thoughts of other biblical scholars). Anyway, he explained how we need to first address our pain in order to be healed. For me, I always thought forgetting was the perfect remedy for pain... that was just my coping method. But I realize now that's just like sweeping dust under a rug; when you lift the rug later, who knows what kind of hairballs and weird particles you'll find.
*By the way I actually read a Joseph Heller book few years ago titled "God Knows" which tells a comical, modern (and a bit blasphemous) account of King David's life. It made me realize how screwed up he really was, which surprisingly made me like him more.
One of my friends was "respectable," another was a "introspective", another was "whimsical." When it came to my turn, my friend said I was "innocent." I didn't know what to make of this.
Then, my friend clarified, "Not because you haven't had your share of doing 'bad' things, because who knows what kind of sins you've committed... but you just carry the essence of innocence."
What is this 'essence of innocence'? And do I still possess it?
Another friend equated this air of innocence with "lightheartedness." A type of carefree-ness where I don't let things get to me as much. Then, we started categorizing people (because bucketing people is our favorite past-time) as heavy or light. In one of my favorite books, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" (I swear I should be this book's personal publicist), Kundera compares polarities such as fineness vs. coarseness, cold vs. warmth, being vs. nonbeing, and points out how in each- there is always a clear positive and negative. But such is not the case with lightness & heaviness:
"The absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant." With lightness, there comes a sense of freedom which might ultimately result into insignificance; with heaviness, there is a weight of burden/responsibility, but then again- "the heaviest of burdens is simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment". So which is better?
I think a part of my "light-ness" comes from being really skilled at forgetting unpleasant things and not being weighed down by my past. Our Pastor talked about the necessity of inner healing this past Sunday and that when we are untreated from our emotional pain, these hurts will surface later on in our lives in strange, unexpected ways (e.g. King David from the Bible*). Pastor D. went all psychoanalytical on the bible story in 1 Samuel 16, explaining how David wasn't loved/highly regarded by his father Jesse, which could have possibly led to his excessive need for women and his dysfunctional relationship with his sons. Of course, our Pastor said all this with a disclaimer that this conclusion might a bit presumptuous on his part, but these are his thoughts (as well as the thoughts of other biblical scholars). Anyway, he explained how we need to first address our pain in order to be healed. For me, I always thought forgetting was the perfect remedy for pain... that was just my coping method. But I realize now that's just like sweeping dust under a rug; when you lift the rug later, who knows what kind of hairballs and weird particles you'll find.
*By the way I actually read a Joseph Heller book few years ago titled "God Knows" which tells a comical, modern (and a bit blasphemous) account of King David's life. It made me realize how screwed up he really was, which surprisingly made me like him more.
6.01.2011
the God of small things
I know I'm not at the ripe age of 21 anymore, but I still considered myself as young. (After all, my name does mean "youthful spirit.") I was never one of those girls to shy away or get touchy when people asked for my age. But the other day I received a lovely e-mail from an older sister figure and one line really stuck out to me: "...claim this is your year to find your husband, ok?"
First off, I didn't know I reached that age where this type of thing was wished upon me. But yes- that time has inevitably come... and it has snuck up on me like a thief in the night. I still remember the days of yore when I would frolic around with frivolous companions. But those days are long gone and that age has approached where relatives will bombard you with endless relationship questions and every wedding you attend will be a glaring showcase of what your life is missing. It's not cute or liberating or bohemian to be single and "venturing out into the world" anymore... at least not in the Korean-American Christian realm. And before you know it- you're slowly creepin' up to that age where people start thinking that you missed the boat and start questioning what must be wrong with you.
And I guess another thing is I never really found it a priority of praying for my future husband... it's a quite foreign idea to me actually. It just seemed kind of ludicrous- why would a Great God care about something as petty as my love life? But as I've been learning time and time again, our God is a God of small things. He is personal, He is precise.
Oh, but another reason why I have always been turned off for praying about this type of thing is because the act of committing something to prayer means you're serious about it... that you actually care. And the danger of caring means you have the potential of getting disappointed or hurt. Of course- it's so much cooler to not care... no one wants to be with someone who reeks of desperation. But maybe I've been too prideful for too long... maybe this is my year to claim and commit.
First off, I didn't know I reached that age where this type of thing was wished upon me. But yes- that time has inevitably come... and it has snuck up on me like a thief in the night. I still remember the days of yore when I would frolic around with frivolous companions. But those days are long gone and that age has approached where relatives will bombard you with endless relationship questions and every wedding you attend will be a glaring showcase of what your life is missing. It's not cute or liberating or bohemian to be single and "venturing out into the world" anymore... at least not in the Korean-American Christian realm. And before you know it- you're slowly creepin' up to that age where people start thinking that you missed the boat and start questioning what must be wrong with you.
And I guess another thing is I never really found it a priority of praying for my future husband... it's a quite foreign idea to me actually. It just seemed kind of ludicrous- why would a Great God care about something as petty as my love life? But as I've been learning time and time again, our God is a God of small things. He is personal, He is precise.
Oh, but another reason why I have always been turned off for praying about this type of thing is because the act of committing something to prayer means you're serious about it... that you actually care. And the danger of caring means you have the potential of getting disappointed or hurt. Of course- it's so much cooler to not care... no one wants to be with someone who reeks of desperation. But maybe I've been too prideful for too long... maybe this is my year to claim and commit.
community
i know i'm late on this one, but the Community Season 2 finale was just awesomeness.
annie & abed= my two fave characters:
so over these two:
abed>jeff
annie & abed= my two fave characters:
so over these two:
abed>jeff
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