I'm usually a person that can survive off minimal sleep. I can stay out 'til 6am but I'll still wake up around 9am regardless. But I think all those years of sleep deprivation have caught up to me, because I have been able to sleep unhealthy amounts ever since being back in California. I think NY is like a drug that gives you a natural high, and no matter how tired you might be, once you step on the streets, you feel the adrenaline pumping in your veins. California seems to have the opposite effect: as soon as I got here, I've been feeling perpetually doozy and lethargic. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm usually the person who hates waking up late or taking naps, because it makes me feel groggy and unproductive, but right now, I have to say- it feels soooooo freaking nice.
On a related note, I think I'm the last person in the world that hasn't seen Inception. And after two insistent tries, I still am the last person in the world that hasn't seen Inception. There was so much built-up hype for this film I almost couldn't get myself to watch it. But my brother bought the blu-ray version, and it quickly became one of the less ambitious items on my Christmas break to-do list. I was really excited but as soon as I would start watching the movie, I would inconveniently start getting extreeeemely sleepy. I was trying to fight every fiber of my being to stay awake (isn't that the most painful feeling in the world?), but my eyelids just would not listen. I made it to the 15 minute mark on the first try, and on the second attempt, my brother asked, "are you really not gona fall asleep this time?" And I did, an hour through. The second time around, I actually woke up at the last scene, and I thought to myself "wow... that was a really good ending." Maybe it's because the movie is about dreaming, so it has this power to lull me to sleep. The concept is truly interesting... very Matrix-like with the alternate worlds and worlds within worlds (or dreams within dreams)... while it also reminded me of Eternal Sunshine with its messing with people's minds and subconscious. At times, it felt a little gimmicky, the dialogue felt kind of elementary, and I think they could have casted someone else for Ellen Page's character. But before I judge, maybe I should watch the whole movie from inception to completion (lame, I know).
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
12.28.2010
10.10.2010
dreams
I remember someone saying that our dreams come from:
1. God
2. Devil
3. Our own subconscious (i.e. if we really want/desire pizza, we will dream about pizza)
Recently, I've been having dreams that circle around this central theme, which I will not divulge here in this all-too-public blogosphere. If you want details, you can try to come steal my personal journal.
But every morning when I wake up, I find myself a lil' confused and very perturbed. I wonder why I keep having these recurring dreams. And what to make of them. I feel as though these dreams are sourced from #2 & #3.
It's interesting to me how some people don't have dreams or can never remember them. I feel as though I'm one of those people who get deeply affected by my dreams in some way or another. Well, first of all the dreams I've been having lately are very vivid and in-touch with my reality. So throughout these particular dreams, I'm never thinking "oh no biggie... this is just a dream." (Though I've had ones like those too in the past.) In fact, right when I wake up, in my dazed state, I question if these things actually happened.
Regardless, it needs to stop before I'm driven mad.
1. God
2. Devil
3. Our own subconscious (i.e. if we really want/desire pizza, we will dream about pizza)
Recently, I've been having dreams that circle around this central theme, which I will not divulge here in this all-too-public blogosphere. If you want details, you can try to come steal my personal journal.
But every morning when I wake up, I find myself a lil' confused and very perturbed. I wonder why I keep having these recurring dreams. And what to make of them. I feel as though these dreams are sourced from #2 & #3.
It's interesting to me how some people don't have dreams or can never remember them. I feel as though I'm one of those people who get deeply affected by my dreams in some way or another. Well, first of all the dreams I've been having lately are very vivid and in-touch with my reality. So throughout these particular dreams, I'm never thinking "oh no biggie... this is just a dream." (Though I've had ones like those too in the past.) In fact, right when I wake up, in my dazed state, I question if these things actually happened.
Regardless, it needs to stop before I'm driven mad.
3.11.2010
space attack!
I had a dream last night that I had an opportunity to go on a spaceship and live in outer space for two years.
I remember Danny Glover was the captain and he was telling me how this was an opportunity of a lifetime (he seemed like a trustworthy figure). I looked at all the others that were getting on board... they were very eager, All-American folks.
The things that went on in my mind as I was putting on my spacesuit:
How claustrophobic am I going to get?
What are their bathrooms like?
I need to call school and ask them if I can put my status on hold...
Is this potentially dangerous?
The guy to girl ratio is definitely in my favor...
Would I be okay with possibly dying in a spacecraft?
Hey some of these guys are kinda cute...
If you want to feel uber depressed, read this book (though I have to say its contains some lovely prose):
"Cold men destroy women," my mother wrote me years later. "They woo them with something personable that they bring out for show, something annexed to their souls like a fake greenhouse, lead you in, and you think you see life and vitality and sun and greenness, and then when you love them, they lead you out into their real soul, a drafty, cavernous, empty ballroom, inexorably arched and vaulted and mocking you with its echoes- you hear all you have sacrificed, all you have given, leading with a loud clunk. They lock the greenhouse and you are as tiny as a figure in an architect's drawing, a faceless splotch, a blur of stick limbs abandoned in some voluminous desert of stone."
"Even his I Love you's", she said, "were like tiny daggers, like little needles or safety pins. Beware of a man who says he loves you but who is incapable of a passionate confession, of melting into a sob."
I think of my father, imagine him long ago at night casually parting my mother's legs with the mechanical indifference of someone opening a cupboard. And I say to myself: I will leave every cold man, every man for whom music is some private physics and love some unsteppable dance. I will try to make them regret. To make them sad. I am driving back toward my tiny kitchen table and I will write this: forgiveness lives alone and far off down the road, but bitterness and art are close, gossipy neighbors, sharing the same clothesline, hanging up their things, getting their laundry confused.
-Self Help, Lorrie Moore
I remember Danny Glover was the captain and he was telling me how this was an opportunity of a lifetime (he seemed like a trustworthy figure). I looked at all the others that were getting on board... they were very eager, All-American folks.
The things that went on in my mind as I was putting on my spacesuit:
How claustrophobic am I going to get?
What are their bathrooms like?
I need to call school and ask them if I can put my status on hold...
Is this potentially dangerous?
The guy to girl ratio is definitely in my favor...
Would I be okay with possibly dying in a spacecraft?
Hey some of these guys are kinda cute...
If you want to feel uber depressed, read this book (though I have to say its contains some lovely prose):
"Cold men destroy women," my mother wrote me years later. "They woo them with something personable that they bring out for show, something annexed to their souls like a fake greenhouse, lead you in, and you think you see life and vitality and sun and greenness, and then when you love them, they lead you out into their real soul, a drafty, cavernous, empty ballroom, inexorably arched and vaulted and mocking you with its echoes- you hear all you have sacrificed, all you have given, leading with a loud clunk. They lock the greenhouse and you are as tiny as a figure in an architect's drawing, a faceless splotch, a blur of stick limbs abandoned in some voluminous desert of stone."
"Even his I Love you's", she said, "were like tiny daggers, like little needles or safety pins. Beware of a man who says he loves you but who is incapable of a passionate confession, of melting into a sob."
I think of my father, imagine him long ago at night casually parting my mother's legs with the mechanical indifference of someone opening a cupboard. And I say to myself: I will leave every cold man, every man for whom music is some private physics and love some unsteppable dance. I will try to make them regret. To make them sad. I am driving back toward my tiny kitchen table and I will write this: forgiveness lives alone and far off down the road, but bitterness and art are close, gossipy neighbors, sharing the same clothesline, hanging up their things, getting their laundry confused.
-Self Help, Lorrie Moore
10.27.2009
some days
don't you just wake up and feel good about yourself and the world?
And others, you just wake up filled with nausea, self-loathing, and just overall "ickiness"?<-(really can't think of a better word to encapsulate this feeling). These past few days, I've been feeling the latter. I think it partially has to do with bad dreams. I hate not remembering my bad dreams because I feel so disoriented and vulnerable. Another part, I believe, is the effects of living at home. I know I've been living at home for nearly 8 months now, but I still feel like I'm transitioning. It's hard when you're used to living with friends and being fairly independent for 5.5 years and then coming home to a household packed with family members that like to ask you where you've been, who you were with, what you ate, etc. etc. etc.
And others, you just wake up filled with nausea, self-loathing, and just overall "ickiness"?<-(really can't think of a better word to encapsulate this feeling). These past few days, I've been feeling the latter. I think it partially has to do with bad dreams. I hate not remembering my bad dreams because I feel so disoriented and vulnerable. Another part, I believe, is the effects of living at home. I know I've been living at home for nearly 8 months now, but I still feel like I'm transitioning. It's hard when you're used to living with friends and being fairly independent for 5.5 years and then coming home to a household packed with family members that like to ask you where you've been, who you were with, what you ate, etc. etc. etc.
Buuuut I should be grateful that I have a family that cares about my whereabouts and are genuinely concerned for my well-being. And I just need to stop complaining... or I'll turn into this guy:
(well, 'cept the $$$ part).
10.20.2009
if i were a boy...
I remember when I first heard that song by Beyonce... Miss Sasha Fierce got me thinkin' how differently my life would be like if I were really a boy. I could pass gas freely, and it would be considered hilarious. I would never have to pluck or shave anything ever again... (okay so I would shave my face, but still~). Going #1 would be a lot simpler/easier.
But the other night (I'd say maybe 4 nights ago), I had a dream that I was really turning into a boy. It was the scariest nightmare I've had in years. First of all, it felt so freaking real. In many of my dreams when ridiculous things happen, I am usually aware that it is a dream. I just sit back and laugh it off, knowing that I'll wake up in a few and it'll all be over.
But this one was different. I'm not going to get into details, but my body slowly started transforming into a guy's. Little by little. First, it was small things... like my voice was a pitch deeper or my eyebrows were getting thicker. Then, bigger things started to change. My shoulders started getting broader, my boobs deflating. Okay I'm going to stop now.
I remember feeling genuinely panicked in my dream. I even tried to figure out what was wrong with myself. I figured maybe something that I was eating had testosterone in it? And I narrowed it down to soy milk (I'm a soy milk junkie), and I was so angry with myself for letting it get so bad.
One of the first worries in my mind was "how the hell am I going to get married now?" I remember I was so angry at my situation, but then I tried to start accepting my current state and the fact that I was probably going to be a bachelor (?) for the rest of my life. Or find a gay man to fall in love with.
When I woke up, I immediately went to the restroom and checked myself out in the mirror. Then, when I realized everything was in place, I thanked God over and over again. What did I think Him for? For letting me be 100% female with no complications. Sounds a little silly, but I realized even things like that- I shouldn't take for granted.
And I laid off soy milk for two whole days afterwards. But now I'm kind of over it and started drinking again.
But the other night (I'd say maybe 4 nights ago), I had a dream that I was really turning into a boy. It was the scariest nightmare I've had in years. First of all, it felt so freaking real. In many of my dreams when ridiculous things happen, I am usually aware that it is a dream. I just sit back and laugh it off, knowing that I'll wake up in a few and it'll all be over.
But this one was different. I'm not going to get into details, but my body slowly started transforming into a guy's. Little by little. First, it was small things... like my voice was a pitch deeper or my eyebrows were getting thicker. Then, bigger things started to change. My shoulders started getting broader, my boobs deflating. Okay I'm going to stop now.
I remember feeling genuinely panicked in my dream. I even tried to figure out what was wrong with myself. I figured maybe something that I was eating had testosterone in it? And I narrowed it down to soy milk (I'm a soy milk junkie), and I was so angry with myself for letting it get so bad.
One of the first worries in my mind was "how the hell am I going to get married now?" I remember I was so angry at my situation, but then I tried to start accepting my current state and the fact that I was probably going to be a bachelor (?) for the rest of my life. Or find a gay man to fall in love with.
When I woke up, I immediately went to the restroom and checked myself out in the mirror. Then, when I realized everything was in place, I thanked God over and over again. What did I think Him for? For letting me be 100% female with no complications. Sounds a little silly, but I realized even things like that- I shouldn't take for granted.
And I laid off soy milk for two whole days afterwards. But now I'm kind of over it and started drinking again.
9.30.2009
obama mama
I had the strangest dream that i was having an affair with Barack Obama.
We kept meeting at this backdoor cafe in k-town so we wouldn't get caught.
I remember feeling very guilty towards Michelle and little Malia & Sasha.
I told him we couldn't go on this way.
I bought him a pink tie as parting gift.
I saw him on a televised press conference, and he was wearing my tie.
We kept meeting at this backdoor cafe in k-town so we wouldn't get caught.
I remember feeling very guilty towards Michelle and little Malia & Sasha.
I told him we couldn't go on this way.
I bought him a pink tie as parting gift.
I saw him on a televised press conference, and he was wearing my tie.
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