attack of the 꽃미남s!

Ever since going to Korea, I think I've grown a love/appreciation for 꽃미남s (trans: flower boys, pretty boys). It used to boggle my mind how girls could be attracted to males that are skinnier, prettier, and more delicate than they are, but I've sadly found myself victim of this plague as well. I don't know what it is, but I feel as though Korea (even moreso than America) has this power of brainwashing people into liking something/someone that you probably wouldn't like on your mind. And as much as I get sucked into it, I fear for my well-being.







save me from this nonsense!

the inheritance of loss

"Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss? Romantically she decided that love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack, not the contentment. Love as the ache, the anticipation, the retreat, everything around it but the emotion itself."
-Kiran Desai

2008 in a nutshell

overplayed til my ears bled, but will always remind me of moments of the yesteryear.

asobi seksu- thursday
the kinks- strangers
she & him- i should have known better
thao- big kid table
thao- fear and inconvenience
beatles- if i fell
camera obscura- a sister's social agony
css- air painter
lykke li- little bit
lykke li- hanging high
black kids- i'm not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance you
radiohead- bodysnatchers
clazziquai- romeo & juliet
rilo kiley- pull me in tighter
rilo kiley- capturing moods
MGMT- kids
bang gang- stop in the name of love
jason mraz- if it kills me
ting tings- be the one
chairlift- bruises
goldfrapp- happiness
M.I.A.- pretty much anything
jon brion- little person

there's a method to our madness

"Hot Date 2008" didn't really go as planned.

I'm not going to waste my breath and make all kinds of lofty goals that I could never possibly reach. Instead, I will make some tangible and wonderfully vague goals that I can pretty much attain if I put enough heart into (or if I twist the wording enough).

1. I'm going to get something published.
Doesn't matter if it's in the San Gabriel Valley Tribune or the UCLA Student Journal or anything... I will let my voice be heard, damnit! As much as I like to fool myself into thinking that writing for me is a purely self-benefitting exercise for releasing the creative juices, journaling my thoughts, making sense of my life- I need some validation sometimes.

2. I'm going to learn the trick of the trades.
I need to learn/study something this year. Whether it be a new language, a new knitting pattern, a musical instrument, or graphic design of some sort, I need to put this ol' noggin of mine to work. No more lounging around the ol' telly getting fat like Gilbert Grape's mama. I'm almost tempted to invest in a xylophone so roomie & I can start our two-woman band.

3. I'm going to be shameless. I think was I'm starting to age, I am starting to get less and less inhibited, which for me, is kind of a good thing. Of course I'm not "ajoomah" status yet, farting around and wearing outright tacky (though that's questionable) attire. I'm going to care less about what people think, cause when you really get down to the nitty gritty, they don't really care. 2009- NO SHAME, NO CRIME.

foul mood

things that should just die:

-bad white elephant gifts (so bad, that they're not even funny... I didn't waste my precious $10 on something good so I can get something crappy that I won't ever use just so some people can get a few laughs)
-jumping pictures (c'mon are you serious?)
-the "overwrite" mode on computers
-superpoke
-CROCS (unless you're under five years old)
-those scarfs... (I don't feel the need to explain...)
-pictures of friends captioned "go us!" or "i love us!"

and the list is growing...

A girl’s imagination is a scary thing, they say. And it is.

I can’t say I like guys easily, but I (along with most girls) have this thing where in a flash you can imagine your life with someone. I think I’ve ripened into a mature enough (?) age where now I can discern if things would work out with a certain person or not.

I know now that I can’t be with guys with quick tempers or that turn into stone when they’re angry.
I can’t be with a person that sleeps a lot.
I have to be with someone who is more knowledgeable than me about directions/current events/anything dealing with finances.

I wouldn’t say I’m a picky person. Just particular.

That’s why I guess it’s frustrating. Frustrating when you know you’d be so good with someone but they just can’t see it.

I wish I could play these little imaginary vignettes in my head on a big screen and let you see how nice it could be.

I sure put the “hopeless” in hopeless romantic.

empathy

I visited the dentist the other day. I absolutely loathe going to the dentist... even moreso than the average person. I think (no, I KNOW) that the most painful experience of my ENTIRE life was when I had my root canal (though pimple popping in Korea would be a close runner-up). And I went with a feeling of anticipated doom, assuming I would have several cavities and have my wisdom teeth taken out. But alas, to my pleasant surprise (or shock would be a better word), the dentist said all I needed was a cleaning.

And as I was sitting there in my dentist chair, my thoughts couldn't help but to wander (as they often do... they should play some music in there or something). I repeatedly told him how sensitive I was with anything involving my teeth (kind of how Rachel Green is like with her eyeballs). Though he probably heard this spiel all the time from wuss patients like myself, I felt he sincerely made an effort to make the experience as painless as possible...I thought to myself that he MUST know what it must feel like to get your teeth cleaned so he must have figured out how to go about it with the least amount of pain. After all, he is a human being that responds and reacts to pain similarly to myself.

That got me thinking... about how nonchalant we are to killing ants, spiders, etc. Even animals (for food or when we unexpectedly run them over). I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we see them as being on the lower tiers of this ideological hierarchy. We can't empathize with bugs. As much as I try to imagine (with the help of lovely Pixar films and Bernard Werber books), I can't really see them having minds, souls, and emotions. They are almost like inanimate objects to me so far below "our kind," that their suffering means pretty much nothing to me. Now you see why I would never be a vegetarian (at least for reasons dealing with guilt)... c'mon it's the "circle of life."

That led me to thinking about God. Can he really feel our suffering? I imagine that he sees us in aerial view... we are like ants to him, crawling around like busybodies living our small lives. Does he really know how it feels when a person gets hit by bullet or if a person is going through heartbreak? I guess that's why he sent down Jesus Christ, the man-god or god-man. But if Christ was sinless and pretty much perfect all-over, how could he possibly feel what we feel... the daily temptations we go through, the anger/sadness when we are hurt. Also if God, the father/creator, can empathize with our physical and emotional pain, it boggles my mind how he could knowingly create such a large population of people who will eventually suffer in eternal damnation.

I remember someone telling me that being a "true Christian" involves that leap of faith... to trust that God is good and everything will happen for the good of his people. And that's another thing... only for his people. Maybe I'm thinking too much from a "human" perspective and not enough from a "God" perspective. But I can't help it... I am only human after all.