beginners

great film by Mike Mills. i feel inclined to doodle and listen to piano-heavy jazz tunes.

*****

Hal: Well, let's say that since you were little, you always dreamed of getting a lion. And you wait, and you wait, and you wait, and you wait but the lion doesn't come. And along comes a giraffe. You can be alone, or you can be with the giraffe.

Oliver: I'd wait for the lion.

Hal: That's why I worry about you.

to nook or not to nook

So I've been going through this ongoing internal dilemma about whether I should buy an e-reader or not.

As an aspiring librarian and self-proclaimed bookworm, I was always pro-traditionally bound books and anti-ebooks. Being a Communications major, I came to believe that the medium can be often times more important than the message. And putting books in this convenient, but sterile electronic form took away from their antiquated charm & essence; they were nothing more than glorified blog-posts, one extremely long e-mail.

But though I've been vehemently against these products when they first came out, protesting that we need to "Preserve the sanctity of books! Save publishing!" - When I had to lug around my 5 lb. Murakami in the subway or carry 3+ books on my past vacation, I couldn't help thinking how much easier it would be to have a slim, handy e-reader.

And I'm so weak to the powers of persuasion (and peer pressure); my friends have been adopting these trendy little nooks and kindles left and right, fawning over how light & convenient they are.

I know, there was once was a time when I felt just as strongly (or even more so) against smartphones, and finally when I succumbed to getting one (with my poor sense of direction and the industry that I work in, it was inevitable), I promised that I wouldn't be one of "those people" - you know the ones that are habitually checking their phones especially in a social setting. But look at me now- checking my emails/updates every 5 seconds and going into panic mode once my droid is out of eyeshot (is that a word?). The little black demon owns me.

So what to do, what to do...

speaking of, here's maurice sendak's (author of "where the wild things are") opinion on e-books (first 30 sec):

Old Forest - Wonderful Place, Worst Pornstar Name

My family has officially moved out of my childhood home.

Well to be fair, I've only been living there since 7th grade. But I've lived on pretty much the same block (in 3 different houses) since I was a wee babe.

I can't believe they moved out.

I say "they" as if I'm referring to some others, but I mean "they" as in my family.

I won't even have a room in the new house... I guess my home really is New York now (?)

While I was home, I was sorting through all the junk I've accumulated over the years and it was kind of hilarious coming across old yearbook inserts, gifts, pictures, love letters, diaries, etc. Even at the final reunion/bash at the Hong residence, my friends and I decided to walk through memory lane and look through all our awkward high school photos. Remember how skinny/fat we used to be? It felt like one of those montage-y Saved by the Bell episodes where everyone just reminisces about past episodes.

Good-bye house. I will miss the shenanigans.

but thats ok!

Instead of taking advantage of the first true winter snowfall and going snowboarding this weekend, I decided to be anti-social and netflix the day away. I'm getting too content with just being a homebody, and my ever-growing grandma behavior is really starting to scare me. I think there's a certain type of burden for those who are single in their 20's in a place like NYC - You're supposed to go out! Meet people! Make the most out of your (disappearing) youth!

As for now, I'll blame my hermit-like tendencies on the weather. I promise I'll be better in the Spring.

While I was browsing through the netflix inventory, I came across this really offbeat, but cute Korean film.


It's a very "4-d" love story about two weirdos who are stuck in a mental institution. Also thinking ahead (because that's what I do), I thought it would be a very cute Halloween costume to dress up as the main girl character "Young-goon" (though it would be awfully obscure- therefore, making it pretty pointless). Even dressing up as "Alex" from Clockwork Orange last year was too obscure of a reference. (Charlie Chaplin, is that you?)

the unconverted

While at home, I have been fully engaging in the art of "vegging" as I've been eating everything in sight (and silently regretting it afterwards) and watching a slew of random films/clips/shows/etc.

I watched this documentary called "Repatriation", a recommendation from my brother. This doc is about North Korean spies who were captured and imprisoned for 35+ years. Throughout the span of decades, these prisoners were brutally tortured, yet they refused to denounce their faith and ideology. Finally in the 90's, these "unconverted" were released and had to somehow manage living their new lives in South Korea as they grieve for their homeland.

Some main takeaways from this film:

I think whenever I see people who live for something greater than themselves, greater than their close vicinity of their family and friends - it really puts me in awe. The society that we live in and the generation that we are a part of, tends to focus on personal goals and interests; we are obsessed with our Facebook profiles, our resumes, our career goals, our retirement plans. Maybe it's the tragic flaw of living in such an overly abundant, individualistic hodgepodge of a nation. But when I see these men who will go through sheer torture for the sake of their nation, and will probably never get recognized or redeemed for their selfless actions, I can't help but feel a deep respect for these men but possibly an even stronger sense of confusion at their situation. The resilience of the human mind & heart can be an amazing, yet incredibly scary thing.

While watching the film, I also noticed that these North Korean men come off as pretty normal, intelligent, often warm-hearted individuals. They are not closed-off, robotic people, but they remind me of those nice grandpas that I would meet at my local Korean church. The only (fundamental) thing that sets them apart is their overzealous tendencies towards their "Great Leader" and their country. But then, I think of their fanaticism and juxtapose them to those who are followers of Christ. How is their die-hard dedication to their ideology and beliefs all that different from long-time Christians or other people who were somewhat "born into a religion"? Just to be clear, I'm not talking about the beliefs in and of itself, but how they came to believe. I'm not trying to look down on those who were born into a Christian household or who grew up their whole lives going to church, but it's somewhat similar in that you kind of grow up with "blind faith." Your mind is so "trained" to think a certain way- to think otherwise would mean to adopt a whole new worldview and uprooting the foundation of your life's values. But then again, it's kind of an unfair comparison. At least with Christians who live in the U.S., there is room to doubt... there is an open forum and mass media that allows us to see different sides and often more dominant opposing views. Whereas in NK, that's all you come to know and are exposed to, so can I really be surprised at these men and their uncompromising allegiance to the juche idea? If I happened to be born in NK, wouldn't I pretty much have the same type of single-minded loyalty?

Another thing that really hit me was how the North Koreans were still so passionate about the idea of going back home and becoming repatriated even after decades passed. As I've been spending the past several vacation days in California, the place where I was born and raised, I feel a tinge of restlessness and am pretty excited to head back to New York. Even though I have lived in SoCal the past 20+ years of my life, this concept of home has been fleeting one as I've grown a community in my NY and started to slowly grow apart from most people in Cali (with the exception of my family and closest friends, of course). However, these NK men are still so adamant about returning home (some who already have family in South Korea) and dream of the day when they are back in their homeland. Of course, their circumstances are far different from mine (they were forcibly estranged from their families and their homes), but it's still amazing to me how their will and determination haven't even slightly waned over the course of many years.

***

There was this poignant scene where one of the men, Kim Sun Myung, was briefly reunited with his NK mother (who is terminally ill at his point) after over 45 years of separation. He breaks down in sobs and starts hugging her and asking her "Mother, can you see me? Do you remember my face?" And she replies " I can't see you, because it's dark, but I know it's you. When I'm alone at home, I can see your face. I can see your face so clearly in my mind."