Dear Peanut Butter Bandit,

I'm usually not this anal when it comes to sharing my food, but I know you've been eating my peanut butter. Everyday when I reach in the cupboard to get my spoonful, I notice the jar getting lighter and lighter by the micro-ounce. Also, I see that you leave little ribbons of your Raspberry Jam in there too... i don't appreciate that... not one bit. What I don't understand is that you have your own peanut butter too- right smackin' next to MY jar nonetheless. So go eat your nasty, watery organic p.b. and get your stinky paws off my JIF. That is all.

Disgruntled and peeved,
j.h.