if i were a boy...

I remember when I first heard that song by Beyonce... Miss Sasha Fierce got me thinkin' how differently my life would be like if I were really a boy. I could pass gas freely, and it would be considered hilarious. I would never have to pluck or shave anything ever again... (okay so I would shave my face, but still~). Going #1 would be a lot simpler/easier.

But the other night (I'd say maybe 4 nights ago), I had a dream that I was really turning into a boy. It was the scariest nightmare I've had in years. First of all, it felt so freaking real. In many of my dreams when ridiculous things happen, I am usually aware that it is a dream. I just sit back and laugh it off, knowing that I'll wake up in a few and it'll all be over.

But this one was different. I'm not going to get into details, but my body slowly started transforming into a guy's. Little by little. First, it was small things... like my voice was a pitch deeper or my eyebrows were getting thicker. Then, bigger things started to change. My shoulders started getting broader, my boobs deflating. Okay I'm going to stop now.

I remember feeling genuinely panicked in my dream. I even tried to figure out what was wrong with myself. I figured maybe something that I was eating had testosterone in it? And I narrowed it down to soy milk (I'm a soy milk junkie), and I was so angry with myself for letting it get so bad.

One of the first worries in my mind was "how the hell am I going to get married now?" I remember I was so angry at my situation, but then I tried to start accepting my current state and the fact that I was probably going to be a bachelor (?) for the rest of my life. Or find a gay man to fall in love with.

When I woke up, I immediately went to the restroom and checked myself out in the mirror. Then, when I realized everything was in place, I thanked God over and over again. What did I think Him for? For letting me be 100% female with no complications. Sounds a little silly, but I realized even things like that- I shouldn't take for granted.

And I laid off soy milk for two whole days afterwards. But now I'm kind of over it and started drinking again.