the God of small things

I know I'm not at the ripe age of 21 anymore, but I still considered myself as young. (After all, my name does mean "youthful spirit.") I was never one of those girls to shy away or get touchy when people asked for my age. But the other day I received a lovely e-mail from an older sister figure and one line really stuck out to me: "...claim this is your year to find your husband, ok?"

First off, I didn't know I reached that age where this type of thing was wished upon me. But yes- that time has inevitably come... and it has snuck up on me like a thief in the night. I still remember the days of yore when I would frolic around with frivolous companions. But those days are long gone and that age has approached where relatives will bombard you with endless relationship questions and every wedding you attend will be a glaring showcase of what your life is missing. It's not cute or liberating or bohemian to be single and "venturing out into the world" anymore... at least not in the Korean-American Christian realm. And before you know it- you're slowly creepin' up to that age where people start thinking that you missed the boat and start questioning what must be wrong with you.

And I guess another thing is I never really found it a priority of praying for my future husband... it's a quite foreign idea to me actually. It just seemed kind of ludicrous- why would a Great God care about something as petty as my love life? But as I've been learning time and time again, our God is a God of small things. He is personal, He is precise.

Oh, but another reason why I have always been turned off for praying about this type of thing is because the act of committing something to prayer means you're serious about it... that you actually care. And the danger of caring means you have the potential of getting disappointed or hurt. Of course- it's so much cooler to not care... no one wants to be with someone who reeks of desperation. But maybe I've been too prideful for too long... maybe this is my year to claim and commit.