maintenance

I remember back when I was living with my aunt's family in Seoul, I was about to go out to meet a (guy) friend, and right when I was about to step out the door, my cousin looked at me and said incredulously, "You're gona go out like that? And you're going to go see a guy?"

She dragged me back into the house, applied a heavy layer of cosmetic products, and dressed up my ears with some danglies. Afterward, she looked at me with a sense of satisfaction, and told me, rather matter-of-factly, that I need to take better care of myself. I'll let you know that this guy I was meeting was not anyone that I had any interest in or wanted to impress in any way. But regardless, she said that it made no difference and that as a girl, I should always be "presentable."

Fast-forward 3 years later, and here I am living with (another) girl cousin who constantly rebukes me for my lack of physical upkeeping. She claims she has never seen a girl like me: a girl who doesn't brush her hair or curl her lashes or is so completely clueless about skincare. (I might as well be a man.) I didn't realize how "low-maintenance" I was until I realized that it only took me 10 minutes to get ready for a night out on the town and then would find myself waiting hours upon hours for my fellow gal pals to get all pretty and primped. I just don't care as much, I guess. Or find it hopeless. Either/or.

Living with my cousin, I feel like I'm learning about all the hard truths of the real world. She tells me daily how men are all dogs. (Maybe except for that rare .0001%, which we will probably never find anyway, so why try?) And she tells me how crucially important physical beauty is for girls... basically it's all we have (or at least 90% of what we can offer). As females, our tastes for guys change as our ideal man evolves from a dreamboat Johnny-Depp-look-a-like to someone who is charming with a warm personality to someone who is financially stable and can be a good father. But for guys, the preferences will always stay the same: the girl needs to be pretty. My cousin tells me how it's just an animal instinct for guys to look at other, beautiful girls, even for the guys who seem so nice, faithful, and committed. Men are voyeuristic creatures... I knew that. So we, as girls, need to do our best to curb this type of behavior by presenting ourselves as meticulously beautiful as we possibly can. So we need to pluck, tweeze, dye, paint, tan, diet, surgerize (?)... basically do anything to maintain our youth and beauty.

So as she paints my nails for the umpteenth time and instructs me on how to lather on anti-cellulite body cream, I find myself whining about how I hate being a girl.

But then she assures me and tells me to stop my complaining, because guys have it much worse: they have to worry about money, prestige, and personality.

Personally, I still think we have it harder.