blue tuesday

Something that I never really experienced until I came to NY was this interaction/relationship you have with your doormen.  These doormen you see day in & day out; they probably know about your patterns more than you do by the way you scramble out the apt every morning, the packages you receive once in a blue moon, the visitors you get late at night.  We have three doormen (now four I believe) at my apt. building.  They all greet me very pleasantly in the mornings with their distinct "good morning ma'am!", "why hello Juuulie!" or "how youuu doin?"

So it kind of broke my heart when last week, I heard that the oldest doorman is terminally ill in the hospital.  Yes - he was kind of a strange one.  The one that looked pretty disheveled (I admit, I judged him) and would be a bit "overly" friendly as he jibber-jabbered comments to himself. 

But all those past feelings of annoyance and irritation at the old guy seemed so petty and mean-spirited when I found out the disheartening news.

I actually asked the younger doorman if this older man had any family & kids, and the guy said he doesn't think so and that he possibly might have a sister somewhere, but is not even sure if she's aware of his condition.  This made me even sadder.

These people you see and talk to everyday of your life (even if it's a quick salutation) - you can strangely feel their absence.

the joys of strolling

I love walking. I came back from an impromptu night stroll with a buddy of mine (I think he felt a bit obligated to walk with me, even after I assured him that I always enjoy walking by myself this late at night) - it was nice though, because we got to chat and catch up a bit.

I noticed that walking has always been one of my favorite past-times.  Ever since a young age, I'd be constantly walking around the house (at times, skipping on my couches), because I think it was some type of physical (& mental) release.  As a child with a busy mind & an overactive imagination, I just couldn't sit still and think/imagine properly.  As my mind is churning, my body had to be active also.

I remember when reading Steve Job's biography that he loved taking walks whether it was with his son for some good quality time or his partners working out deals.

I like taking walks by myself because it helps me organize my thoughts.  Though I also find these quiet times necessary for me even if means I'm thinking about absolutely nothing and just observing the random happenings on the streets.

Look at Colin Firth - all brooding/pensive as he's walking around the neighborhood.

I also enjoy walking with company.  Some of my favorite things to do when I go back home is to go on my ritual morning walks with my mom - sometimes my dad joins in too, but he can't hang (physically) the whole time. It's our special, quality time together as a family as we find ourselves pretty much talking about anything from our family to relationships to careers to God.  I also think that's one of my favorite things to do on a date.  It's much more relaxed than sitting down at the table for dinner and just conversing over drinks, because in both those cases you're pretty much stationary at a table - just staring across at each other.  Nothing to fill in the silences but blank, awkward stares as you nervously crumple your napkin and sip your water for the upteenth time.  Whereas if you're walking, you can focus on walking and looking at the things around you, so the awkward silences don't seem so obvious.

My pastor told us he goes on walks with his wife everyday and it's kind of become their "thing."  I hope that whoever I end up with in the long run, won't mind a bit of walking either...

david

being a part of the korean-american christian community, i can't stand the name "david." it is by far the most generic name & add a kim/lee/park to it, and you're bound to have FB/gmail/phone number mishaps (i am definitely guilty of emailing the wrong "david lee" on many occasions).

however, i see the appeal of naming your child "david." he is my favorite (and most interesting) character in the bible.  a poet, musician, sheperd, warrior, hero, adulterer, murderer, king- he is one complex man with amazingly human flaws but an unfailing love & "oneness" with God.

visiting italy last year, i had the pleasure of seeing different depictions of david, though i have to say bernini's david definitely trumps michelangelo's (most famous) version in my opinion.

michelangelo's david (1501-1504)

  

created in the height of the renaissance, it is said that michelangelo's david is the "perfect man" in regards to structure and proportions. he is depicted as "tense and watchful," in a posture that is ready for battle (though he looks pretty relaxed to me...)

bernini's david (1623)

coming from the baroque era, bernini's david is much more active and dramatic.  he is portrayed in mid-motion as he is battling it out with goliath. plus, i find him really handsome/attractive. i couldn't help but stare (for an inappropriately long duration) at his beautiful face.

who doesn't love a man of action?

hot hot heat

sweltering heat is debilitating.

too hot to go out. too hot to sleep. too hot to do anything.

i want to go here:

george

So I'm finally watching the george harrison documentary "living in the material world" (it's a 3.5 hour documentary so I'm watching in easily digestible, 3 part sessions).  Under the powerful dominance of the Lennon-McCartney duo, it was interesting to hear the story about the overshadowed Beatle (also the most talented guitarist) that was just kind of pushed to the side (that is - until the group breaks up and he's really able to take reins and do what he's been wanting to do and putting out the songs he's been waiting to put out). 

In some strange way, I feel I can relate to George.  Maybe it's because I surround myself with very radiant, outgoing, and (at times) aggressive people, but I feel I often find myself playing a dramatic foil to these strong characters and fading into the background.  But george - who some might mistake to be dismissable/forgettable especially compared to the sparkling personality of Paul and the raw edge of John - has a very unique, compelling story to be told.

george was the "spiritual" beatle

though he's talking about his Hindu gods, I feel the song transcends religions and resonates with me - as a Christian.


i remember hearing this song at a young age because my mom told me it was her favorite beatles song... i thought it was the loveliest song & couldn't stop listening to it.

p.s. is it me or does george look like Jesus here?

quotes from the end of 2005

"Loneliness is a human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will gro murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way. Moo." - white oleander

will we find that great exception?

my best friend (since the 4th grade) is engaged! throughout 18(?) years of friendship, we managed to stay by each other's side (both literally & figuratively)... 

still remember the first time i yelled "hey! hey YOU!" on the streets of clay hill ave. 
the first visit to the fun-house with the sesame street dolls and the curly-cue straws.

being on the opposite end of the country now, i miss her & couldn't be happier for her.