the unconverted

While at home, I have been fully engaging in the art of "vegging" as I've been eating everything in sight (and silently regretting it afterwards) and watching a slew of random films/clips/shows/etc.

I watched this documentary called "Repatriation", a recommendation from my brother. This doc is about North Korean spies who were captured and imprisoned for 35+ years. Throughout the span of decades, these prisoners were brutally tortured, yet they refused to denounce their faith and ideology. Finally in the 90's, these "unconverted" were released and had to somehow manage living their new lives in South Korea as they grieve for their homeland.

Some main takeaways from this film:

I think whenever I see people who live for something greater than themselves, greater than their close vicinity of their family and friends - it really puts me in awe. The society that we live in and the generation that we are a part of, tends to focus on personal goals and interests; we are obsessed with our Facebook profiles, our resumes, our career goals, our retirement plans. Maybe it's the tragic flaw of living in such an overly abundant, individualistic hodgepodge of a nation. But when I see these men who will go through sheer torture for the sake of their nation, and will probably never get recognized or redeemed for their selfless actions, I can't help but feel a deep respect for these men but possibly an even stronger sense of confusion at their situation. The resilience of the human mind & heart can be an amazing, yet incredibly scary thing.

While watching the film, I also noticed that these North Korean men come off as pretty normal, intelligent, often warm-hearted individuals. They are not closed-off, robotic people, but they remind me of those nice grandpas that I would meet at my local Korean church. The only (fundamental) thing that sets them apart is their overzealous tendencies towards their "Great Leader" and their country. But then, I think of their fanaticism and juxtapose them to those who are followers of Christ. How is their die-hard dedication to their ideology and beliefs all that different from long-time Christians or other people who were somewhat "born into a religion"? Just to be clear, I'm not talking about the beliefs in and of itself, but how they came to believe. I'm not trying to look down on those who were born into a Christian household or who grew up their whole lives going to church, but it's somewhat similar in that you kind of grow up with "blind faith." Your mind is so "trained" to think a certain way- to think otherwise would mean to adopt a whole new worldview and uprooting the foundation of your life's values. But then again, it's kind of an unfair comparison. At least with Christians who live in the U.S., there is room to doubt... there is an open forum and mass media that allows us to see different sides and often more dominant opposing views. Whereas in NK, that's all you come to know and are exposed to, so can I really be surprised at these men and their uncompromising allegiance to the juche idea? If I happened to be born in NK, wouldn't I pretty much have the same type of single-minded loyalty?

Another thing that really hit me was how the North Koreans were still so passionate about the idea of going back home and becoming repatriated even after decades passed. As I've been spending the past several vacation days in California, the place where I was born and raised, I feel a tinge of restlessness and am pretty excited to head back to New York. Even though I have lived in SoCal the past 20+ years of my life, this concept of home has been fleeting one as I've grown a community in my NY and started to slowly grow apart from most people in Cali (with the exception of my family and closest friends, of course). However, these NK men are still so adamant about returning home (some who already have family in South Korea) and dream of the day when they are back in their homeland. Of course, their circumstances are far different from mine (they were forcibly estranged from their families and their homes), but it's still amazing to me how their will and determination haven't even slightly waned over the course of many years.

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There was this poignant scene where one of the men, Kim Sun Myung, was briefly reunited with his NK mother (who is terminally ill at his point) after over 45 years of separation. He breaks down in sobs and starts hugging her and asking her "Mother, can you see me? Do you remember my face?" And she replies " I can't see you, because it's dark, but I know it's you. When I'm alone at home, I can see your face. I can see your face so clearly in my mind."