family matters

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

That is how one of my favorite books ("Anna Karenina") starts. And I find it very true. All the dysfunctional families I know (mine included) are all so uniquely dysfunctional, but happy families are all like the Brady Bunch. When I used to get angry/distressed by my family when I lived at home, I didn't feel like even my closest friends truuuly understood what I was going through (not that it was that horrible or anything, but it's just one of those things - you don't know unless you're a Hong). I remember my aunt would say "you can choose your friends, you can choose your job, you can choose your spouse, but you can't choose your family". And I would wonder what it'd be like (or what I would've been like) if I grew up in a different family. But then when I see the loving gentleness of my mom, the spunky warmth of my grandma, the silly playfulness of my brother, and the God-fearing dedication of my dad, I can't really see how things could be otherwise.

I attended a funeral today. As you get older, year by year, the number of weddings and funerals you attend seems to grow at an exponential rate. I think that's the scariest part about growing up... no it's not the wrinkles or the graying hair. Not even the fear of never getting married. But facing the fact that that people around you will die... and that death will no longer be some, faraway concept or idea, but it becomes a reality. People who you love, who took care of you, who loved you unconditionally, people who you cannot imagine life without - will probably die before you.

I noticed that when I attend weddings, I can only find myself thinking and focusing on the couple that is getting married- my mind never drifting off from the spectacle before me. But funerals are a different story... I find myself thinking not only about that particular family, but other families, other deaths.

I don't know why today I started thinking about my friends back home. There are the most beautiful and wonderful pair of sisters that I used to be closer with back when I lived in California. Their mother passed away several years ago, and I remember one day- a few of us girls were hanging out late one night in the parking lot of our usual bubble tea hangout (yes, how SoCal asian of us)... and I remember they were just laughing and talking about how their mom used to get so angry and pissed at them when they stayed out late... and as they were impersonating her and mocking her (in a loving way of course), one of the sisters got really quiet and said "i miss mom". I don't know why, but that scene just came back to me- so fresh as if I was there in that parking lot again. And I just couldn't contain myself.