Whenever I board a plane or get on a rollercoaster, I tend to have these twisted, nightmarish visions of calamity in my head. I think I watched way too many Final Destination films, but I can't help but imagine that the plane will crash or that the rollercoaster device will fail.
I'm sure many paranoid people like myself get these anxious notions in their head, but mine are excruciatingly detailed. I can picture every microscopic detail like the flight attendant's facial expression on that split second her refreshment cart slides down the aisle. Or the bursting pressure of air as the plane's walls split open and the frightening feeling of free-falling in the open sky. Or how my family will hear about the unfortunate news of their daughter's untimely death through a sterile phone call from ______ Airlines. My grandma's wail of sorrow... my brother's look of disbelief. And how my family will become that family that the whole Korean-American community will know about from the Korea Dailies. My funeral, my slideshow... and more details... but 'nuff of that.
So in a way, to counter these thoughts, I start very carefully observing the other people on my flight. Yeah sure... I can be one of those people that can fall into the hands of an early, unfortunate death (In a teen horror film, I would so be killed off early... its always the scared ones that die first- well the easily scared and overly confident). But look at that nice-looking guy sitting across the aisle? He's on the blackberry talking to his wife, whose eagerly waiting back home with his two little daughters, baking a "welcome back daddy" cake. He can't die now, can he? And what about the old couple with the Jersey accents sitting right next to me, complaining about the cold air and the lack of blankets. There's no way such people could die in a freak accident on a plane. They will live to their dying day in their old apartment, sitting side-by-side on the couch, complaining about something. And that little five-year-old boy up in the front with the glasses that are too big for his face... you can tell he's buggin' the crap out of the lady next to him as he keeps pushing her seat. Annoying kids don't die on planes. They have to keep living and grow up to be annoying adults.
As I look at the people around me, I imagine their antics, their hang-ups, their families, their lovers, their histories, and their lives to be lived and it brings me peace.
I remember first watching that "the matrix" in the 8th grade and leaving the theater in a philosophical daze. I caught little snippets of it on the tube last week; It was on the defining moment where Neo had to choose between the red pill or the blue pill. It got me thinking about Christianity. I think being a Christian or truly believing in God would be like choosing the red pill. Just like the film, if we chose the red pill, we would be freed from the matrix (aka the world) and have to recognize that another, bigger world/life exists out there. But somehow people (myself included) find ourselves unable to detach ourselves from this world of ruins- to truly, fully accept the other life and see that it is better. But I don't blame people for it... life on the blue pill does seem more attractive/easier in some senses... especially if we've grown accustomed to only believing what the blue pill offers us. And especially to those who have no idea or can't even fathom that the red pill even exists.
But as I walking around the neighborhood the other day, I couldn't help but catch a glimpse of the sky bordering on sunset. I was on the phone, jabbing away about my day, my plans, or some petty thing or another, and I just halted and stood there in awe. This might sound ridiculously cheesy, but it literally took my breath away and almost brought me to tears. Aside from all the rhetoric, all the doctrine, all the history, I couldn't understand how a scene like this could let people question the existence of God.
i feel so exhausted. when i put food in my mouth, i can't taste it. when i try to listen to music, i can't hear it. when i try to watch something, my mind doesn't process it. what do i dooooo
Sometime during high school, I decided to accompany my brother (during his obsessive anime phase) to the annual Anime Expo. The only animes I watched at the time were Sailormoon, a little bit of Dragonball when I was younger, and some scattered episodes of Cowboy Bebop & Evangelion. I didn't really know what to expect when I entered the Long Beach Convention Center, but boy~ was I in for a surprise!
There were people of all ages (babies to grandmas), of all ethnicities (I expected only Asians and a couple of geeky, Fogell-esque white guys), of all sizes (a 200 pound guy in a Faye Valentine costume is not a pretty sight) dressed up in wild, gaudy, and (sometimes) slutty costumes of their favorite characters. I mean I knew their fandom consisted of weirdos, but I guess I didn't realize the vast range of weirdos that existed.
But I'm not going to lie... ever since then, I had this strange desire to dress up as Rei Ayanami from Evangelion. There's is something so intriguing about this child: her mysterious origin, her otherworldly nature, her aloof demeanor, her questionable relationship with Shinji's hot dad... Or maybe I just want an excuse to don a short, periwinkle wig.
I used to have this co-worker who I was so intimidated by/felt awkward around, so I made it a point to strike a 5 min.+ conversation with him to overcome this fear (?). I realized the only thing I vaguely had in common with this scary man was our fervent interest in anime (well mine was pretty half-hearted). So, the following day, while we were both washing our cups in the break room, I decided to ever-so-casually ask him which animes he was watching. This dude who barely spoke 3 words to me at a time, started rambling like a used carsalesman. He even let me borrow his dvd, which included this short sweet:
who knew this icy-cold man would have a soft spot for such adorableness?
on a sidenote:
tablo ♥ kang hye jung
I hope when I get a bf, we could be half as cute as them.
18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
